It’s hard to feel like an empowered woman with a debilitating illness

And these things in the self-help industry only makes it worse.

I’ve always been obsessed with the self-help niche.

I think I’ve been blogging sense I was 12 years old, but because I’m a perfectionist with anxiety, possibly have undiagnosed ADHD, and never-ending fatigue, lots of the content that I wrote in the past has either never been published, deleted, or lost in the abyss.

I also got commitment issues, in case you wanted to know.

But my addiction with self-improvement means I also spent a lot of time on motivational, positivity, and manifestation accounts for years. Hell, I even became a certified happiness coach.

But there are a few things I’ve realized that absolutely sucks when you are a woman with a chronic illness while reading this type of content.

And why sometimes, it’s really hard to feel like a badass when you have mental illness and fibromyalgia that never leaves your side.

Photo by Fernando @cferdo on Unsplash

Those success stories rarely feel relatable

I tend to read a lot of success stories about making money online, becoming an entrepreneur and being able to travel all around the world.

Honestly, those stories are like crack to me.

But most of the time, they only give me more anxious thoughts. Especially because I realize how none of them ever feel that relatable to me.

The only ones that feel somewhat relatable are those about working mothers. I try to compare my situation with them, pretending like managing chronic illnesses is the same as managing three toddlers — and while both are hard — they aren’t the same. At all.

“If I can do it, so can you,” they all say, whose target audience isn’t someone like me — a 23-year-old woman without any children and who hasn’t even moved the hell out yet.

But those working mothers are doing all sorts of things similar, right?

Manage distractions because of their kids? ADHD.

Needing to run errands and do things like drop their kids off? Doctors appointments.

Feeling fatigued and exhausted as they work and watch their kids? Fatigue is a never-ending symptom of mine, my friend.

Having more restrictions on the types of work they can do because of their kids? How about me who can only work a certain amount of hours a day, per week or else my chronic pain flares up? Or having a fear that my hypersomnia will come back with a vengeance and I’ll miss all sorts of important meetings?

Yeah.

In their own way, WFH moms and I are similar.

And yet, I know they are very different.

Truth is, these success stories only make me question more and more if the dream-life I so desperately want is even realistic for someone like me.

And when there’s content everywhere I look that says “You can do anything you set your mind to” and to not limit yourself, I find myself going back and forth from having possibly unrealistic goals to feeling like I can’t do anything.

Toxic Positivity is a thing

I only heard about this term a while back, but once I learned what it is I realized how much toxic positivity content I have found myself wrapped up in.

For someone with a chronic illness — both physical and mental — a lot of this type of content felt like it was effecting me worse than others.

And some of those tips those motivational accounts give? Downright dangerous.

For instance, if you ever see someone saying you should try out a polyphasic sleep schedule that only equals 5 hours of sleep a day, run the other way.

Trust me, I’m no hater of polyphasic sleep schedules — I think I function ten times better on them. You know, when they equal 7–8 hours, at least.

But most people cannot function long-term on 5 hours.

At first, people will see positive side-effects (better mood, better focus, etc), but for most people, this negatively impacts your health in the long-term.

It sneaks up on you.

And frankly, it’s absolute crap advice for people who chronic illnesses and mental illnesses.

Then there’s the motivational crap I see talking about “do this, not that”, constantly emphasizing that the crap you do to relax is now labeled as “bad”.

And I get it. Binge watching Netflix all day, everyday isn’t good for you.

But labeling it as bad to the point where watching TV even a little makes you feel like crap?

Does that sound good either?

Sure, many of these accounts don’t mean to give you a mindset like that.

But many do.

Basically, what I’m saying is this: Look at those positive, motivational accounts you follow and ask yourself if it’s really good for you, or if its just filled with that toxic positivity bullshit.

The way we define empowered is sometimes pretty terrible

I can do anything I set my mind to.

I can manifest money, abundance, happiness, and the life that I want.

I am also realistic. I am learning to set boundaries with others and myself. I am aware that mental illness doesn’t disappear by positive-thinking.

Some things are out of my control, and I am learning to accept that and still be happy.

I know I can do anything I set my mind to, but I choose my battles and paths wisely. I am learning my limits, and learning when to say no — even to things I want — in order to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled even without it.

Photo by Victor Garcia on Unsplash

My mom raised me to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to.

But as we slowly came to terms with the fact that with a chronic pain condition, some things I can’t do — or shouldn’t do — exist, and I need to learn to say no.

My co-workers and friends often say that I’m one of the most confident people that they’ve ever met

And the reason isn’t because of those motivational, positivity accounts on Instagram.

I still have a lot of things I don’t always love about my body, who I am, or my life in general.

There are still things I’m not confident in at all.

And I don’t know — maybe people are sometimes confusing confidence with happiness.

Maybe there’s a fine line between the two, and we don’t really know what we’re talking about.

Hell, right now I feel like I’m ranting and going nowhere with this post (Sorry).

But either way, I’m pretty sure that the reason people say this is because…

1. I set boundaries with others and myself and learn to be happy about it.
2. I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to, but some things I shouldn’t.
3. I love my body, and most of the time do not care about anyone else’s opinions but my own, but I also know that some days are bad days and I don’t need to show off anything I feel uncomfortable with.
4. I give myself time, and other times I jump right into things (like, getting a belly button piercing when I told myself I was going to wait to lose weight first). But either way, I am happy and content with myself and my decisions.
5. I learn to love being imperfect. So, instead of editing this article like a maniac, I’m going to post it, knowing full well that I can make it better, but also knowing full well that if I did that, I probably never would get it published.
6. Oh, and lastly, I am learning to be patient. Everyone’s journey is different, and we are all on our own time. It benefits me when I stop trying to rush, and start slowing down and enjoying the process instead.

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I’ll be creating a 6-day confidence email course soon that I’m really excited about, so don’t forget to follow me if you want to learn more and get more awesome content about self-improvement, woman’s rights, entrepreneurship, chronic illness, and whatever the hell I decide to write about next.

With love,

Kirsty.