How Journaling Helped Me Heal When I Couldn’t Afford Therapy
Journaling: Not Just an Aesthetic.
Disclosure: I will always encourage seeking professional mental help, and this post is not meant to encourage journaling as an alternative version for professional guidance but as a way to express how journaling, despite not having a therapist for years, has had a huge impact on my mental well-being.
Trigger warning: This post mentions mental illness and disordered thinking and behaviors, such as self-harm, eating disorders, alcoholism, drug addiction, and more.
Earlier this week I wrote a post about exploring our subconscious and conscious thoughts through 3 guided exercises involving the use of journal prompts.
The exercises had simple rules: Read the prompt and write down your first thought immediately. Then, read the prompt again, take a moment to think about it, then answer it again.
The exercise also had three “parts”, or AAA: Awareness, Analyze, Action.
- Become aware of your thoughts, both the immediate and secondary.
- Analyze what they mean, and if they mean anything at all.
- Take action, if needed.
One of the prompts I used was, “What compliment do I wish someone would give me?”
My first thought: skinny.
My second thought: Smart/successful.
Immediately, I realized I still struggled with underlying negative thoughts that had previously led to an eating disorder when I was in high school.
“It doesn’t go away”
I know that some people think that certain mental illnesses and disorders, like depression, self-harm, or eating disorders, never “really go away”. This may even include things like alcoholism and drug addiction.
They might say that it’s “a part of me now”, and I must “learn to live with it”.
But I don’t think that’s true.
As an example, I used to struggle with self-harm. But I have healed from that behavior and way of thinking that led to self-harm. I don’t have triggers or temptations. I learned to cope with the bad and work on healing myself.
As another example, many people think that once someone is labeled as an alcoholic, they are an alcoholic for life and that the moment they ever take a sip of alcohol again they have “relapsed”.
But AA is not the only treatment program, and abstinence does not work for everyone.
And the same goes for other things, too, not just an addiction to drugs or alcohol.
But it’s not something that is easy.
You have to put in the work: To cope, to get past triggers and temptations, to change disordered thinking, to heal even if you are in remission so you don’t relapse again. Professional guidance is ideal, but when you can’t afford therapy, journaling can be a serious tool for healing, if done right.
Journaling is one of the biggest reasons why I have been able to heal. I didn’t even see a therapist when I was dealing with my most “major” issues, like an eating disorder, depression, or self-harm. I started seeing a therapist when I was able to afford it, and this was after I healed from things like an eating disorder, self-harm, and even depression. I was actually seeing a therapist to cope and manage possible ADHD symptoms.
My point is this: Journaling can be a serious tool for healing, not just some aesthetic where everyone journals about gratitude.
Keep in mind, I am not encouraging journaling as an alternative form of healing or treatment instead of seeking professional guidance. I am simply expressing how much journaling has helped me, especially when I couldn’t afford therapy for years.
What I am saying is journaling can be a serious form of healing when taken seriously and can also be used alongside getting professional help.
My realization
After I answered the prompt, I had become aware that I need to still work on healing from my insecurities involving my weight.
Thankfully, I have worked on building up my self-esteem. Now, I mostly love the way I look (though I am still working on it), and thankfully any triggers I have had in the past no longer make me want to eat or act in an unhealthy way. In fact, when I had an eating disorder, I used to want to be “thin”, but now I just want to be at a healthy weight, toned, and fit -and to reach that with healthy behavior changes.
I believe with confidence that as I work on these thoughts, I will overcome it just like I overcame and healed from other thought patterns, triggers, and behaviors.
I still use journaling as a tool for healing
I also write about journaling, and how exercises and journal prompts can guide other people to identify patterns of thinking, negative behaviors, coping skills, healing, and more.
Not just gratitude journaling.
Journaling digitally has also been hugely beneficial to me, and I even share free guided journals and workbooks that can be used as printables or fillable PDF’s.
You can visit my Koji profile here.
Or see some of my free workbooks here.
